Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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