god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
