Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
