This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
