oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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