i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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