So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
is it fun? or sober?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
