I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
