I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
