so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
