She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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