didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
