I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
