Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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