Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
