He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
