whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
