I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We don't watch enough power rangers
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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