Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
