Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I party with great urgency now.
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