can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
