good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
