Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
