i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
