i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
