Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
