If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
