yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
