Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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