he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
