Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
