I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
