fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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