my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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