He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
