what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
