He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
