i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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