shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
