Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
