Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
