her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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