did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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