I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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