i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
