And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Randomize
