would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
