Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
