Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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