Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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